I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that request, and I am always happy to oblige. Unfortunately, it’s sometimes a painful experience.
I get requests to look at all sorts of communication materials: board presentations, capital campaign pitches, case statements, you name it. Donor letters, which would seem one of the easier things to nail, often are the most problematic.
I’ll offer one example here, as a case study, and let you decide what went wrong. (The organization and details have been disguised.)
The letter was drafted by a Development staffer to be sent to individuals who had already earmarked the organization for a planned gift. It was to go out under the name of the volunteer chair of a 25th Anniversary Campaign. Here’s what it said:
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dear (name of donor):
As our 25th anniversary approaches, I am writing to make you aware of a campaign gift crediting option that might be of interest to you as a member of our Planned Giving Society.
We are pleased to offer you full credit for any new bequest intention or life income gift. Your gift would count towards the Anniversary Campaign total and you would receive personal recognition for your generosity. Please consider this opportunity to be recognized for your commitment. Like me, you have already joined the Planned Giving Society by making an investment in our cause. This is a chance to consider adding to that investment.
Cathy Mills, Director of Gift Planning, is at your disposal to help answer any questions and will follow up with a call in the coming weeks. Meanwhile, please feel free to contact her at cmills@nonprofit.org.
Warmest regards,
Jim Biggers
Anniversary Campaign Chair
______________________________________________________________________________
So, what do you think? As the recipient, would you excitedly fire off a pledge to Jim? I doubt it and, even worse, you might well be annoyed. There is no thanks for the contribution that you already have made, and it implies that you are only motivated by recognition.
Another problem with the letter is that, as a personal contact with a donor, it misses an opportunity to remind him or her of why they gave to the organization in the first place. It presumes undying allegiance rather than promoting the good work that the organization does.
Easy to criticize, I know. My friend did ask, however, so wielded my red pen. Here’s what I produced.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dear (name of donor):
As our 25th anniversary approaches, I am writing to remind you of a campaign gift crediting option that might be of interest to you as a fellow member of our Planned Giving Society.
We are pleased to offer you credit for any new bequest intention or life income gift. Your gift would count towards the Anniversary Campaign total and you would receive personal recognition for your generosity.
This is a very tax efficient way to support the important cause we serve. As you will hear at the 25th Anniversary Celebration, a lot of exciting work is going on. The Anniversary Campaign is critical to achieving our mission and our goals for the future.
Like me, you have already joined the Planned Giving Society by making an investment in our cause. I hope that you will consider adding to that investment, as I have. I have asked our Society liaison Joe Doherty to contact you in the coming weeks, should you have any questions.
Thank you for all you do for our organization and for other organizations that are making the world a better place.
Warmest regards,
Jim Biggers
Anniversary Campaign Chair
______________________________________________________________________________
Hopefully, I addressed my own criticisms. But, if you think not, feel free to send along your edits!